I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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