Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
