Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize