I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
