MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
