No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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