he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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