OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
