You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
