Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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