Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
