haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
