so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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