doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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