I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
