Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
