so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
