Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
