Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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