Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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