My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
