my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
