I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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