her vagine was all disorganized.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
