watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
