just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
