he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize