wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
