Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
