We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
