Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
