So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
