I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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