Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
