He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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