You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
