somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
