My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
