the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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