When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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