so that wasnt chicken after all
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
