i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
