I could have mohawked her pubes.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
