I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
