there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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