just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My breasts were aching with rage.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
