This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
