She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
