dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
