Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
