Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
