Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
