Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
