This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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