After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
