I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
