I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
