The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
