I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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