she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
