I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
