It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
These tits shall not be calmed
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
