If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
